Not many people know this, I have a very large extended family. I have many aunts and some uncles with 3 or 4 generations over in England, I have cousins, second cousins and other extended family there, some in America, some in Canada and some in Australia including a half sister, nieces and their children. All blood family and too numerous to mention. To date none of them talk to me. I am alone.
I hear so many people say you cannot choose your family but it seems with mine it is very simple and a little cruel to say the least. You say nasty things behind their back, you believe the lies, you then wipe them. I sit and wonder what I did that was so very terrible that caused all this? I wonder if I will ever know?
I had no right of reply. No way to justify or rectify problems..... when I visited England I was horrified to see the grudge that was still held with my mum even though she had not visited them in over 35 years and was now dead. The hushed tones, don't tell her, the problems that were still there. One simple mistake even unknowingly and you are wiped. I saw over the years the coldness never thought for a minute that it would be turned on me simply because I was her daughter. I thought that my mother was difficult to live with, that maybe the things she said was just exaggerated but in fact they were a lot worse and much more petty.
I thought I was alright, I had one cousin in Australia that spoke to me however it would seem that has changed too. I have struggled with the lack of family and that connection. Some one to share the stories with when growing up and swapping memories. My children do not have that lovely connection either. It makes me sad.
I saw a family tree being done for my Other Halfs family and realised that this would be almost impossible for me as I don't even know my real family name. (thats another story). I would like to know so many things, I would like to ask questions and hear stories. I would like to share them with my children and partner. I would like to laugh about history and wonder about all these things. I have been excluded from this.
Family who needs them........
