well another year....

Today the kiddies both started school. My red headed hurricane has his first day at prep, there was no tears, no I will miss you or don't go just yet, it was bye bye, I am going to have so much fun. So that was it! No hesitation just ready for the next challenge. Good to see that he is feeling confident and ready. My Petal wasn't quite so good but she was happy to be with her friends and start a new school year. All smiles and happiness.

I dashed home, did lots and lots of chores and even had a moment to think. I miss them dearly. My Petal was happy to be back, she is not with her core group of friends this year so I am wondering how that will work for her. I am hoping that it allows her to make a new group of friends and enjoy others as well. She normally has no problems making friends so I am waiting to hear all about it.

I have less than 1 month before I return to classes to remedial massage this time (Full time). I am dreading the workload and juggling the day to day responsibilities and family. It is going to be very interesting. At least now I have my regulars (amazing group of women that help me get through the year) I can practice on and keep massaging during the year to get my hours up and practice the new skills that I am learning. Not to mention help them. I had a lovely message today of how much one of the mums needed me and missed me. That was grand! Always nice to be need and help someone.

I have a to do list that is a mile long however I am not phased, I am just going to keep chipping away. So far my boys room has been painted. He is very happy and well that is a task that has been hanging around on the list FAR TOO LONG. So now all I have to do is sew his curtains and then I will leave it be for a moment oppps no I have to paint the skirting, he wants white and rejected my choice of wood with vanish. No problem it can go in our room instead. Which is next on the painting list. I made a start on the undercoat and that is it. The hot weather, the holidays and the assignments took over.

So for the next month. I need to catch up with the lovely friends. The ones that are still talking to after I had no time whilst studying last year to even have a short visit.

that time of the year.

I am stressed, tired and over things lately. I have been snappy and horrible and yelling and I feel like I am never going to finish and do the things all screaming at me to be done around the house, the garden and the kiddies. (Not to mention the neglected and berated other half).

Then i look up and realise that all I have is one subject to go.... 2 assignments and I am done and qualified, for this year. Imagine my surprise and amazement, normally I would have thrown it all in by now, lost interest or motivation. This time is feels different, not easy, not saying that I don't want to throw my hands in the air and so I am over this, just different. I keep chipping away. i keep practising and getting more clients and I keep going.

I also have those moments when I realise that life is good. I have a special little task completed that has been calling to me and I am so happy. My other half has been doing amazing things around the house (small but wonderful). An outside power plug, that makes my life so much easier. No cords on the steps to worry about tripping over and the vacuum actually reaches to the car. This makes me smile and remember that life is not so hard after all and someone is thinking of you. My petal is doing Occupational therapy after 11 months on the waiting list and well we are making good progress there too. My red headed hurricane is starting school next year and so very excited and ready.

So I am dashing off to do the study for the last exam tonight. I just have to find that last bit of effort and motivation and we are done!

back to it.

Yesterday was full on. The children were back at school and kinder. I had a repeat exam first thing in the morning and then the afternoon to try not to worry. I decided whilst it was still reasonable weather outside to spend some of the nervous energy doing a job that I have put for for a while now. The poor old plum tree desperately needed a good cut and opening up. So I did it yesterday. I thought about the last time that I had cut the tree, whilst dad was still alive and directing the procedure from the lounge room window. He kept telling me to keep going and I think I felt him saying the same thing yesterday. Well the rain came and I didn't get it all done but goodness it has made a difference already with what I did. Then to the inside and I had the same thing, vacuuming the entire house which was good. So needed it, everything has been put on hold whilst studying especially for the exam. Then off to pick up and swimming for my red headed hurricane. I remember a time not so long again that he would scream at every lesson and wondered with the change of venue and teacher that this might reoccur? He was anxious but happy and decided that he was going to enjoy it. He had a ball, a new friend, a lovely teacher who is able to keep him in check and a big pool that was only daunting for a moment.

Yesterday in spite of what might be looming turned out to be a good day for lots of progress, not just sweating it out waiting for the results. I do hate it when they tell you that you will get them that day and you watch the phone like a hawk and then it doesn't happen. So now today the wait starts all over again. I really need to keep busy again today and surprisingly enough after the school holidays and everything put on hold I have lots to do that.

I started culling yesterday which made me surprisingly happy so i might try that again today. Ok, enough fun on the computer off to it!

if I was me.....

My boy was discussing serious items with us late last night in the car. He started with "If I was me, which I am" I couldn't stop laughing and missed the rest of it, but thought that this was quite entertaining.

My petal is struggling with the changes in her diet. So many chemicals so many things to consider especially during the school holidays. Not easy to find and deal with these things.

I am super stressed and I have this funny theory that people will understand and stop making demands or doing nasty things to me. Of course this theory is ALWAYS disproved at this time however I would like for it to stand just once.

We visited the coast, I normally find some peace or something that helps me within, not this time! No peaceful inner harmony or inner strength found, nothing except this overwhelming stress that is happening and is not being lifted. I understood totally why one of my friends at school said he was going to withdraw and not complete the course. We talked him around of course however I felt like saying ME TOO, lets go and get a drink and celebrate! So that night at class we were given 3 more things that are so big we didn't even want to consider. The first being the 8 hours of clinic. We massage for 3 hours and do all the note taking and setting up etc for the other hour. Then we have another 4 hour of administration to do. What a shame it is the weekend that we were going away for our wedding anniversary! Another assignment which is due in January! too big to even contemplate and an exam. I have one to repeat on Monday and well the pressure is just about at breaking point.

Sometimes it would be nice to say when!

WHEN!

My Petal

My petal has been diagnosed with A.D.H.D. (Organic) on top of other things. We are doing occupational therapy and had her neuropsyche come to school to evaluate and educate us and the teachers on what works best with her learning. We are now working on part 3 food and diet. Trying to eliminate additives from her diet and keeping a food and mood diary. Who knew that bicarb works on a cellular level and can reduce the effect of nasties in their diet. A teaspoon of bi-carb, in water and then add orange juice or something like that to taste.

So today instead of just taking food away from her and there is a lot of additives in things. (I am so sick of reading about petroleum products in the food aimed at children.) We would make ice cream for tonight. We threw out the supermarket bought ice cream and a lovely friend lent us an ice cream maker to try. (Thank you Pam). so first we popped in some whipped cream, yes with my lactose intolerance this is great for me lol! Then condensed milk and then some lovely vanilla. (Next time we will use the vanilla bean forgot this time). Our children tested everything at every stage and are completely sugared up and happily planting plants in the garden now on a lovely sugar high.

We thought with organic and farmers market food that we were doing alright. There are somethings that we hadn't considered like our lovely Margaret River yoghurt and ice cream that have some NASTIES in them. We have now been forced to make a lot more things. There are so many fillers and bulkers and chemicals added to things, to get the colour right, to get the alternatives to sugar and to just make them additive.

The good thing about making this is that all that the children think is that they are having something homemade (which at this stage in their lives is EXTREMELY appealing) and yum. Not that we are testing things to find out the effects and reduce or eliminate them from all of our diets. I believe that if one of us cannot eat it then none of us should. That way my petal does not feel excluded or different a cry I hear all to often lately.

Oh the sugary goodness of licking condensed milk straight from the can or tube yum. I hope you have a lovely sugary weekend!

a lovely day

This week the weather has been getting quite lovely during the day and we have made a small amount of progress back in the garden. So many weeds and things to deal however the plants that we have planted last year have really taken off. I am so happy about the grevilliea's especially. They are all starting to flower and have really grown up quite a bit. The garden is starting to look more like the design that I want.

I am still very time poor to do everything that I want. The renovations and painting has just been left neglected. I realise that I cannot possibly worry about this at the moment with everything else especially the exams. So as much as I would love to desperately complete one or two or 30 of the tasks they are on hold. I have a couple of little shrubs to plant today to fill in a space with, some lovely natives so that I won't have to weed those spaces as much. Thats the plan. I am still searching for the beautiful native daisies that I have seen recently in magazines and gardening shows. I will have to make a trip to my favourite australian native nursery and get them there.

I cannot believe that I am more than 1/2 way through my course now. I have just had another exam and I am sweating waiting for the results. I can hardly sleep worrying about whether or not I did enough to pass. I did work hard, I did study quite a bit but I think I always feel that I can do more.

Another exam on Friday and that will be 2 more subjects completed and hopefully passed. Then on to oriental massage which sounds quite interesting. I have to confess that I have enjoyed the sports massage much more than I thought I would. The teacher is very dynamic and inspiring. I have made a few more new friends and the children are enjoying the experience of meeting others and their families.

when you cannot do anything....

Not many times have we come up against the fact that my Beautiful Little Petal does not have her twin here. Today we did. An excursion tomorrow and my Petal does not have a special little friend to sit with. It is breaking my heart hearing that she is not "normal" that she is a twin and they don't understand her, that she doesn't have her twin here and she would have someone lovely to sit with and that she shouldn't be in heaven. That she is needed here with her. That her other friends all have someone..... she doesn't!

I listened and listened and dried her tears and cuddled her and apologised whilst feeling that it was all my fault. What more can I do to fail my daughter, I have placed her in a world without her identical twin and she is miserable.

Instead of a happy time planning the excursion she is miserable and I am so sad for her. We have planned her meals, snackies and clothes and I fixed a flower onto her hat to help cheer her up but small or nothing in the scheme of things.

So now we are sitting down quietly together having dinner and I am wondering how I fix this.....