my girls anniversary

Today is the day that we have a picnic in the cemetery.  We take flowers and balloons and the children play there if it's not raining.  I used to set up the picnic next to her grave now there are more children there so we sit nearby. I think of all the amazing things that my Lily would have done and wonder what it would be like to have two girls here with me.

My darling other half put up the pictures late last night. I was so happy whilst lying in bed looking up at them.

We try to be extra kind to each other today.

i can remember exactly what I did 8 years ago today.  I with the events started to blur however they remain vivid as ever.  I always wonder what I could have done that would have prevented this.... although now i just wonder before I racked myself with guilt.

The children are home from school, today we try to stay together.  I know that from past experience if we separate the day becomes a bit of a nightmare instead of the gentle time that normally spend together.

All the stress in the lead up to today vanishes as the day unfolds.  

I ask the world please send me a butterfly today.... I ask that i have one simple gesture that my beautiful girl is with us still not just in our hearts.

next week

Next week is a big week for me. I am working again.  No not massage appointments or anything like that I am working doing a 9.00am - 5:00pm job.  I haven't done this for a while so I have been thinking about what this means.  I am only working for 2 weeks well 9 days all up.

I have no clothes, so I am having been getting a couple of things, wondering if it's suitable.  Shoes which I haven't given a second thought might prove to be very interesting.  I am sure that I can find something suitable.  No runners and pants and polo top and hair up.  Oh my goodness I wish I had had a hair cut.... too late for that now.  (Where are the sharp scissors!)

What does neat casual mean? I have never worn casual to work before especially in an office type environment when I was temping which was many moons ago, is this what people wear to work now? I am not going to the city so no corporate wear required, thank goodness as this would be an investment that I am not interesting in making.   I was thinking of skirts and tops which look neat.... I need that I think to get through the day.  I don't have enough clothes but I will make do.

I don't really know my duties I am sure I will find out soon enough when I start.

I haven't timed this well, I did manage to say no to starting on Monday, I received the call on the day of the funeral for my father-in-law.... I hardly remember what was said.   This Monday is my daughters anniversary.  I would like to say that they get easier, however when you having someone missing from your family it is never easy nor does it get better, especially when it's a child.  Our first child born to us still and so very quiet, tiny and perfect.

I found 2 beautiful butterfly prints that make me happy.  I have been looking for a while however nothing, I stopped and there they were, just waiting for me.  I think they need to go in the bedroom.  I love looking at the beautiful butterflies and thinking of my girl.

what can you get for very little.

Lately I have been very thrift and found things for myself and others which cost very little or nothing.

We are still (yes my poor friend does not have a fully functional kitchen yet) working on the kitchen.  Her request was that she has a bigger sink and I have been looking for a bigger one for a while not really finding the right one.  Then can you believe a free one in almost perfect condition came available for FREE and local.  We dashed off and picked it up. (notice the "we" that would be the royal we, when my other half goes for a drive and I organise it!)  So after a quick clean with ajax liquid, didn't want to scratch it, Good as new!!!

Although I did like the white one, my friend is the one using it AND she has requirements that must be considered.  So with this not stretching the budget any further we were able to look for the light and low and behold I found one on ebay with a starting bid of 99 cents.  Normally this pendant is $119 and I was able to get it for $15.50 and again a local pick up again.

So with these new things we will be able to keep working away on the kitchen and having a light for above the table. I like when they are lower over the table which seems to work well.

Now for my find... I haven't been very confident to find clothing in the op shops. I have a quick look but soon get overwhelmed very quickly.  well this changed the other day and I was able to find some for both myself and my Petal.   She has this absolute need for tactile clothing and with this cold weather that we have had lately I could justify 2 furry things.  A vest and a coat.  Perfect for the requirements warm and feels lovely.  (Both are machine washable and just come up lovely).  For myself I always need tops, I never seem to have enough or the right ones and well this one just screamed "take me home".  It was very crushed when I found it and didn't look so very good but after getting it home and cleaning and ironing has come up just right.

I was actually looking for something that I could wear to work but well I couldn't pass it up.  Pretty!  I have a black jacket that works well with this top and still shows it off.  If you look closely you will see my beautiful pendant that I wear with it, a gift from a very VERY dear friend and just looks so lovely.

On a totally different note, I realised today for the first time that I don't have a "comfort food".  I have been racking my brains what I would use for comfort in the form of food.  I have comfort knitting which I do when I am feeling very low or sad.   I have a comfort drink, warm vanilla milk which I have when I need a little pick me up but nothing in particular with food. Being lactose intolerant ice cream is never ever going to work to provide comfort, chocolate I have no really interest in so that too is out.  Hopefully someone can suggest something for me. I know that Tom Yum soup is craved when I am sick with a head cold.  Helps clear the sinus with the lovely hot chilly.

I think I sew or make things or bake!

Op Shopping

We popped in yesterday on the way to the shops, just because I couldn't stand being at home. I have so much study and work to do and needed to get out for a while.  I had class in the morning overloaded and had some frustration and that was that.  We went to a different op shop, I have been many years ago however not since for no good reason. We found a Blake 7 video for $1.00 and I decided it was about time that I introduced them to another show that I had found very enjoyable when I was younger.  

We are having a lovely time with the old tv shows.  The list to date that they are enjoying is:

The Tomorrow People original series
HR Puffenstuff (found a few video's at the op shops in new condition still with the plastic on)
Rocky and Bullwinkle (only on you tube)
The Storyteller
Dr Who current and older series.
Round the Twist
the Magic Roundabout (original) which started everything off. i had a lovely ring tone when my girls were born from this show, haven't been able to get another one. I had a relative from England visiting us and realised straight away what it was, he started laughing at my phone.  So what is next I wonder, always exciting as to what we will find at the op shop.

I think me and the other half have enjoyed it as much as the children. They wait patiently sometimes for the next video from the op shop or impatiently I go searching on ebay for something else.

some time....

Sometimes life takes over and this blog is totally forgotten or maybe just that nagging feeling that something should be said.

My course is almost effectively on hold at the moment. My father-in-law is fighting for his life in hospital at the moment and we are praying that he wins.  We always ask what his quality of life will be like after his stays in hospital however we will cross that bridge when we come to it.

i have been totally horrified with how quickly the demensia has taken hold and just consumed so many part of his memory.  Skills have disappeared.......just so very sad.

I am still massaging and still working on my assignments but the urgency and final exam has gone.  I didn't need this pressure on top of everything else. I know I would have just thrown my hands up in disgust and walked away.

I haven't seen a lot of my friends for so long. I am sad about the distance that occurs when life gets too really hectic.

Ok enough so now on to the good things.

My beautiful amazing fabulous friend gave me tickets to.....

FABULOUS show, the right amount of humour and wit that I needed to draw me into this wonderful world of Paris 1920's.  I enjoyed every moment and would highly recommend if you need a good laugh to go.

I went this time with my sister in law (Louise).  I met her at her home and we swapped unexpected presents before we left. I had an American theme for her, a pink pie dish (I found on Etsy and found it very hard to part with, especially with my Petal who absolutely loves pink) and some American spending money for her special trip next year.

We have been busy collecting things for the garden and designing and having a lovely time.  Lots of work is going to be done soon we have only just started.  So here is the design that we are going to work with....

What do you think?   Do you think it will go well with a French provincial design?  We have a few plants, a couple of olive trees and a pot and things to add to it. I will post more pictures as we go.  I think some lovely herbs would be good to grow around the edge. I keep changing my mind. We are re-using bricks that we have and recycling and trying to keep the cost down to a minimum as garden designs can add up very very quickly.  The circle needs another layer yet but this is just the planning stage.


We need something to take us away from all the stress and nothing like a bit of outside in the Spring Garden to help this.

more op shops

It was a big week, ANOTHER assignment and one I had to resubmit with a few changes.  Thats done so back to it.  The end is in sight and I am no where near ready for it.  I have 3 massages to do this week and I am wondering about the time for the assignments.  Either way I need to do both!  Both are equally important.

My Petal is settling into a routine of Occupation Therapy again.  She loves her therapist, my teacher and now her therapist.  I tried to pick the best person that I knew for her.  It seems to be working. I get to see how far she has come in these years and where we are so far behind as well.  It is a roller coaster of a journey. It breaks my heart that most physical tasks are so very difficult for her.  We spent nearly 1 and 1/2 years teaching her to do star jumps.  They are not perfect but quite good now.   Star jumps involve both hand and leg co-ordination. We are doing crawling, using the ipad to do left and right recognition and meditating.  

So what else have we done.  We had Gumbo in the park at Northcote on Friday night, we visited the Radical Grocery shop and bought lots of vegan ingredients and will be using them this week. I will let you know how they go.  We bought some lovely wool for me and I am itching to knit up a scarf to wear with the beautiful blue wool hand spun by Janet.  I left her some purple wool that needs spinning, with the promise of collecting it in a few weeks. Janet insisted that she would teach me how to use the spinning wheel.  I would dearly love to learn so I might be taking her up on the craft and cocktails meetings that she has, AFTER I have finished my study. I am not willing to take anymore on at the moment feeling stretched to breaking point.

My other half has made 2 steps forward and 1 back with my dear friends Kitchen.  Poor love is still without a kitchen and goodness the time is just flying away from us. 

How quickly has this year gone!  

I have a confession to make, we did some op shopping on Saturday to another new shop in our immediate area, one that we have driven past many times and never visited. Well this is our new favourite. I have to confess that I bought ANOTHER pie dish. That would make 4 now. I think I need help.  One is special from Etsy and the rest I have sourced from op shops.  This one is orange made in Australia, pyrex and I promise that I won't buy anymore unless they insist that I take them home or I find a pink one for my Petal. 

Have a lovely weekend, off to get the muffins out of the oven before they burn.  

the challenge of dairy free

We are well on our way to having our household now eating almost dairy free. It has been a little challenging at times.  It is when you get a request like Ice Cream that things become very interesting.  I did not feel inspired to make soy ice cream.  I haven't liked the taste prior to this so I have just ignored making it myself.  Our lovely and talented friend and study buddy from school sent me a wonderful recipe. Something i hadn't considered, coconut milk ice cream.  This immediately sounded very appealing. So last night we set to work making our own recipe and seeing what we could come up.  We used coconut cream, some ripe banana's, some sugar, some vanilla beans and some vanilla paste.  (never have too much vanilla!) and some vanilla essence.

The result was an instant hit with the children and the other half.  i think for myself I just like the flavour of vanilla only (so boring). I did enjoy it... just not my favourite.

I have realised that the children have made the transition to diary free very easily.  For me it is a bit more of a challenge. (I love fresh butter, cheese and yoghurt!)  I am really missing butter especially with  baking.