A BIG BRICK WALL

I have hit a brick wall. I wonder if it's just that we have a lot of emotional stuff going on.  I am trying to study and as fast as I cram it in, it falls out again. It being the information that I need to learn.  I now have 2 exams next week and I was sitting doing craft with my hurricane, it was only 1/2 hour (I feel guilty and quite torn both ways, guilty that this is all the time I could give him and guilty because I really needed to be studying).  He liked the attention and was very happy with the outcome.  We decorated a treasures box with Washi tape.  (very addictive).

It was a request that he said a lot.  Mummy you never have time to do anything with me now and I miss that. It was not something that I could ignore and I was so sad that it has come to this.  I hated that I felt guilty and that I needed to be studying, i always need to be studying.

We all sat down and did reading together, we read in the library at school (after pick up). "the Naughty Corner" was my choice.  The children laughed all the way through this lovely book and demanded that I read it again.  The second time was no less enjoyable!  I sat down on the lounge with my boy and did his reader, listening to his amazing progress and the gaining of confidence and then his words. This pleasure I have not done for a while now.

It is hard juggling life and school. BOTH demand my attention (full and undivided). BOTH are time consuming and BOTH are wonderful journeys not limited to the roller coaster rides. I miss being a mum, I miss doing the things with the children. I miss just being at home and planning day to day routines. I miss our day to day routines.  I miss having things flow a bit smoothly instead of the chaos that is being created with me schooling.

Today I came to an important decision that I need to repeat a subject. Yes it will extend my time however it will also give me a little break, at this stage I deserve a little brea!  I have so many assignments, 6 was the last count now and exams and so much else happening as well with my other half's father being so very sick.  His mum needs us and I cannot and will not say no to her.

I will have to talk to the school tomorrow and see if they are happy with this decision and if not I will be back to square one.  Something has to change.