my girls anniversary

Today is the day that we have a picnic in the cemetery.  We take flowers and balloons and the children play there if it's not raining.  I used to set up the picnic next to her grave now there are more children there so we sit nearby. I think of all the amazing things that my Lily would have done and wonder what it would be like to have two girls here with me.

My darling other half put up the pictures late last night. I was so happy whilst lying in bed looking up at them.

We try to be extra kind to each other today.

i can remember exactly what I did 8 years ago today.  I with the events started to blur however they remain vivid as ever.  I always wonder what I could have done that would have prevented this.... although now i just wonder before I racked myself with guilt.

The children are home from school, today we try to stay together.  I know that from past experience if we separate the day becomes a bit of a nightmare instead of the gentle time that normally spend together.

All the stress in the lead up to today vanishes as the day unfolds.  

I ask the world please send me a butterfly today.... I ask that i have one simple gesture that my beautiful girl is with us still not just in our hearts.

next week

Next week is a big week for me. I am working again.  No not massage appointments or anything like that I am working doing a 9.00am - 5:00pm job.  I haven't done this for a while so I have been thinking about what this means.  I am only working for 2 weeks well 9 days all up.

I have no clothes, so I am having been getting a couple of things, wondering if it's suitable.  Shoes which I haven't given a second thought might prove to be very interesting.  I am sure that I can find something suitable.  No runners and pants and polo top and hair up.  Oh my goodness I wish I had had a hair cut.... too late for that now.  (Where are the sharp scissors!)

What does neat casual mean? I have never worn casual to work before especially in an office type environment when I was temping which was many moons ago, is this what people wear to work now? I am not going to the city so no corporate wear required, thank goodness as this would be an investment that I am not interesting in making.   I was thinking of skirts and tops which look neat.... I need that I think to get through the day.  I don't have enough clothes but I will make do.

I don't really know my duties I am sure I will find out soon enough when I start.

I haven't timed this well, I did manage to say no to starting on Monday, I received the call on the day of the funeral for my father-in-law.... I hardly remember what was said.   This Monday is my daughters anniversary.  I would like to say that they get easier, however when you having someone missing from your family it is never easy nor does it get better, especially when it's a child.  Our first child born to us still and so very quiet, tiny and perfect.

I found 2 beautiful butterfly prints that make me happy.  I have been looking for a while however nothing, I stopped and there they were, just waiting for me.  I think they need to go in the bedroom.  I love looking at the beautiful butterflies and thinking of my girl.

what can you get for very little.

Lately I have been very thrift and found things for myself and others which cost very little or nothing.

We are still (yes my poor friend does not have a fully functional kitchen yet) working on the kitchen.  Her request was that she has a bigger sink and I have been looking for a bigger one for a while not really finding the right one.  Then can you believe a free one in almost perfect condition came available for FREE and local.  We dashed off and picked it up. (notice the "we" that would be the royal we, when my other half goes for a drive and I organise it!)  So after a quick clean with ajax liquid, didn't want to scratch it, Good as new!!!

Although I did like the white one, my friend is the one using it AND she has requirements that must be considered.  So with this not stretching the budget any further we were able to look for the light and low and behold I found one on ebay with a starting bid of 99 cents.  Normally this pendant is $119 and I was able to get it for $15.50 and again a local pick up again.

So with these new things we will be able to keep working away on the kitchen and having a light for above the table. I like when they are lower over the table which seems to work well.

Now for my find... I haven't been very confident to find clothing in the op shops. I have a quick look but soon get overwhelmed very quickly.  well this changed the other day and I was able to find some for both myself and my Petal.   She has this absolute need for tactile clothing and with this cold weather that we have had lately I could justify 2 furry things.  A vest and a coat.  Perfect for the requirements warm and feels lovely.  (Both are machine washable and just come up lovely).  For myself I always need tops, I never seem to have enough or the right ones and well this one just screamed "take me home".  It was very crushed when I found it and didn't look so very good but after getting it home and cleaning and ironing has come up just right.

I was actually looking for something that I could wear to work but well I couldn't pass it up.  Pretty!  I have a black jacket that works well with this top and still shows it off.  If you look closely you will see my beautiful pendant that I wear with it, a gift from a very VERY dear friend and just looks so lovely.

On a totally different note, I realised today for the first time that I don't have a "comfort food".  I have been racking my brains what I would use for comfort in the form of food.  I have comfort knitting which I do when I am feeling very low or sad.   I have a comfort drink, warm vanilla milk which I have when I need a little pick me up but nothing in particular with food. Being lactose intolerant ice cream is never ever going to work to provide comfort, chocolate I have no really interest in so that too is out.  Hopefully someone can suggest something for me. I know that Tom Yum soup is craved when I am sick with a head cold.  Helps clear the sinus with the lovely hot chilly.

I think I sew or make things or bake!