Sunday, July 31, 2011

a lovely day

This week the weather has been getting quite lovely during the day and we have made a small amount of progress back in the garden. So many weeds and things to deal however the plants that we have planted last year have really taken off. I am so happy about the grevilliea's especially. They are all starting to flower and have really grown up quite a bit. The garden is starting to look more like the design that I want.

I am still very time poor to do everything that I want. The renovations and painting has just been left neglected. I realise that I cannot possibly worry about this at the moment with everything else especially the exams. So as much as I would love to desperately complete one or two or 30 of the tasks they are on hold. I have a couple of little shrubs to plant today to fill in a space with, some lovely natives so that I won't have to weed those spaces as much. Thats the plan. I am still searching for the beautiful native daisies that I have seen recently in magazines and gardening shows. I will have to make a trip to my favourite australian native nursery and get them there.

I cannot believe that I am more than 1/2 way through my course now. I have just had another exam and I am sweating waiting for the results. I can hardly sleep worrying about whether or not I did enough to pass. I did work hard, I did study quite a bit but I think I always feel that I can do more.

Another exam on Friday and that will be 2 more subjects completed and hopefully passed. Then on to oriental massage which sounds quite interesting. I have to confess that I have enjoyed the sports massage much more than I thought I would. The teacher is very dynamic and inspiring. I have made a few more new friends and the children are enjoying the experience of meeting others and their families.

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

when you cannot do anything....

Not many times have we come up against the fact that my Beautiful Little Petal does not have her twin here. Today we did. An excursion tomorrow and my Petal does not have a special little friend to sit with. It is breaking my heart hearing that she is not "normal" that she is a twin and they don't understand her, that she doesn't have her twin here and she would have someone lovely to sit with and that she shouldn't be in heaven. That she is needed here with her. That her other friends all have someone..... she doesn't!

I listened and listened and dried her tears and cuddled her and apologised whilst feeling that it was all my fault. What more can I do to fail my daughter, I have placed her in a world without her identical twin and she is miserable.

Instead of a happy time planning the excursion she is miserable and I am so sad for her. We have planned her meals, snackies and clothes and I fixed a flower onto her hat to help cheer her up but small or nothing in the scheme of things.

So now we are sitting down quietly together having dinner and I am wondering how I fix this.....