My Petal

My petal has been diagnosed with A.D.H.D. (Organic) on top of other things. We are doing occupational therapy and had her neuropsyche come to school to evaluate and educate us and the teachers on what works best with her learning. We are now working on part 3 food and diet. Trying to eliminate additives from her diet and keeping a food and mood diary. Who knew that bicarb works on a cellular level and can reduce the effect of nasties in their diet. A teaspoon of bi-carb, in water and then add orange juice or something like that to taste.

So today instead of just taking food away from her and there is a lot of additives in things. (I am so sick of reading about petroleum products in the food aimed at children.) We would make ice cream for tonight. We threw out the supermarket bought ice cream and a lovely friend lent us an ice cream maker to try. (Thank you Pam). so first we popped in some whipped cream, yes with my lactose intolerance this is great for me lol! Then condensed milk and then some lovely vanilla. (Next time we will use the vanilla bean forgot this time). Our children tested everything at every stage and are completely sugared up and happily planting plants in the garden now on a lovely sugar high.

We thought with organic and farmers market food that we were doing alright. There are somethings that we hadn't considered like our lovely Margaret River yoghurt and ice cream that have some NASTIES in them. We have now been forced to make a lot more things. There are so many fillers and bulkers and chemicals added to things, to get the colour right, to get the alternatives to sugar and to just make them additive.

The good thing about making this is that all that the children think is that they are having something homemade (which at this stage in their lives is EXTREMELY appealing) and yum. Not that we are testing things to find out the effects and reduce or eliminate them from all of our diets. I believe that if one of us cannot eat it then none of us should. That way my petal does not feel excluded or different a cry I hear all to often lately.

Oh the sugary goodness of licking condensed milk straight from the can or tube yum. I hope you have a lovely sugary weekend!

a lovely day

This week the weather has been getting quite lovely during the day and we have made a small amount of progress back in the garden. So many weeds and things to deal however the plants that we have planted last year have really taken off. I am so happy about the grevilliea's especially. They are all starting to flower and have really grown up quite a bit. The garden is starting to look more like the design that I want.

I am still very time poor to do everything that I want. The renovations and painting has just been left neglected. I realise that I cannot possibly worry about this at the moment with everything else especially the exams. So as much as I would love to desperately complete one or two or 30 of the tasks they are on hold. I have a couple of little shrubs to plant today to fill in a space with, some lovely natives so that I won't have to weed those spaces as much. Thats the plan. I am still searching for the beautiful native daisies that I have seen recently in magazines and gardening shows. I will have to make a trip to my favourite australian native nursery and get them there.

I cannot believe that I am more than 1/2 way through my course now. I have just had another exam and I am sweating waiting for the results. I can hardly sleep worrying about whether or not I did enough to pass. I did work hard, I did study quite a bit but I think I always feel that I can do more.

Another exam on Friday and that will be 2 more subjects completed and hopefully passed. Then on to oriental massage which sounds quite interesting. I have to confess that I have enjoyed the sports massage much more than I thought I would. The teacher is very dynamic and inspiring. I have made a few more new friends and the children are enjoying the experience of meeting others and their families.

when you cannot do anything....

Not many times have we come up against the fact that my Beautiful Little Petal does not have her twin here. Today we did. An excursion tomorrow and my Petal does not have a special little friend to sit with. It is breaking my heart hearing that she is not "normal" that she is a twin and they don't understand her, that she doesn't have her twin here and she would have someone lovely to sit with and that she shouldn't be in heaven. That she is needed here with her. That her other friends all have someone..... she doesn't!

I listened and listened and dried her tears and cuddled her and apologised whilst feeling that it was all my fault. What more can I do to fail my daughter, I have placed her in a world without her identical twin and she is miserable.

Instead of a happy time planning the excursion she is miserable and I am so sad for her. We have planned her meals, snackies and clothes and I fixed a flower onto her hat to help cheer her up but small or nothing in the scheme of things.

So now we are sitting down quietly together having dinner and I am wondering how I fix this.....

Another exam done!

I am finding that this year is screaming by... that the course is taking up all my time or the study and exams are. We did go to my first gardening group for ages. All the people there were surprised at how much the children have grown so we know that we haven't been for a while. Lovely wondering around someone else's garden and see what can be created. To take away ideas and plant cuttings. To talk about people that have honour systems still and to be reminded of how simple and wonderful things can be in this world. That we have a common interest but when oh when do i find the time and energy that is needed to devote to the garden. I do a little bit of weeding for bin day and do a bit of planting when the plants are there and going to do if I don't plant them but that is it. I have wonderful plans, an orchard, a chicken pen, a design in my head but nothing on paper and no plans for future planting or drawing.

I am neglecting my family and my friends, I find that I type a quick email and then that is it.... I feel the guilt when I stop but whilst I am busy learning anatomy and all the new words that my tongue refuses to accept that I don't even think about anything else. My weekends are now being consumed with study days, that make me tired and over things when I get home. i love this amazing journey however venting is sometimes necessary.

I hate the guilt that goes with not spending enough quality time with the children. I find myself wondering how I could do things better all the time. My good friend talks to me about getting the whip out and self flagellating.

So instead of getting down about it, I have to make a plan. I need to go and buy some wicks for the candle making process that will start very soon. I need to get a bit more organised and have the machine out with the embroidery and make a couple of pillowcases and bags for both of them and with their favourite characters and then we will get busy! I have a lot of catching up to do with both of them and lots and lots of cuddles will be given and received!

nearly testing time.

When I first started this course they said to us that it would have to be a priority in our lives. I wondered how that would work as I had a few other priorities that I considered much more important. My family, housework, renovating, and now I have this as well. It takes up a lot more time that I realised and it takes up a lot of my thoughts. I wake up to massage techniques and body organisation, golgi complex, ribosomes, bones and muscles.

Time that I would normal spending planning my day, my week or even my weekends seems to have gone. I now plan my next massage and stress when I haven't done enough. I like to plan my next renovating task as there are so many ufo's at the moment and instead i find I am planning my online work and revision.

I find that some tasks in life are too difficult for silly reasons. I have a lovely plum tree that is just outside the main window in the lounge, it is begging to be properly cut back again. The last time I did it, was when my dad was alive watching from his chair with his oxygen on telling me that I needed to cut a bit more and stop the cross over of branches to free up a few areas and to keep going I was doing a great job. I miss that..... so the plum tree is very neglected.

So i am going to do some sewing or knitting or something when I get a free moment..... not sure when as I have a nasty test coming up next week. I have moved past mothers day. The children (and my dearest other half) surprised me with lovely presents, treasures that I will keep and look at and use. The lovely florist made up a beautiful pink butterfly and gave (ALL the children) lady bugs which was so caring and thoughtful and our Angel in heaven even has one on her grave. Some moments others will reach out and give you exactly what you need, so on Mothers day by a total stranger my 3 children were acknowledged and not just 2.

x

Easter nearly over

How quickly is this year going. It was dragging at first when I started my first class and now that the tests, exams etc are coming up it is going so fast. Am I ready? No way! Am I up to date? No Way!!!! i have been practicing lots of massages and I get very nervous each time I do a new person or even a new technique and we learn these every week. I am wondering when I will feel comfortable and confident. I am getting to know different massages, the legs, lower back and glut's, upper back, neck and head (supine) arms and feet. i have my favourites and luckily with my first test I was able to do one of my favourites. I struggled to just go to the test, I hate no loathe being tested and normally that would be my cue to leave, this time it was quite different and gave me a chance to get lots of feedback, some positive and quite unexpected too. My favourite being that "I looked like I know what I am doing."

Easter holidays are nearly over, not sure about the holiday part as they have gone so quickly and as normal we have been very busy. I am trying to learn to say NO to people but not getting there yet. We have dashed around the countryside and the children are quite over it all. After our 3 meltdown for the day from both of them, they were popped into bed for some quiet down time. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Some things have been achieved and some not so sucessful. However mostly the good outweighs the not so good so it is all balanced.

My red headed hurricanes birthday next week and he has decided (thank goodness) not for a party but a weekend at the coast instead. I love this. It makes me so happy that we can influence and guide their decisions still. The other night whilst traveling back from a visit to a good friend we decided to opt for take away. I suggested Maccers and was greeted with a chorus of No, YUCKO, then I suggested a common chicken takeway and again the same response. I asked if Japanese Udon noodles would be good and was greeted with an overwhelming yes, yum thank you. So to add to this treat we decided to sit in the restaurant and have a lovely meal. i like that at the moment we win over all the marketing for food. I am wondering when peer pressure added to this will change things?

what order?

I have just bought some chairs off ebay for the verendah when it is built, I keep thinking that there is 2 ways of doing this; 1. To wait until it is finished and then if there is any money left to go and source things or use whatever you have to sit on. 2. To slowly acquire these things when they come up, for a good price and then wonder where the hell you are going to store 7 chairs now as I had already bought one previously. So I have 7 chairs here and they are lovely. The work perfectly with the French Provincial theme that I am attempting and I am on the look out for a table that works with both theme and budget. I think that I have managed to not use too much of the savings and when we find the time and the energy we will continue with the verandah until then we are busy with lots of other things. We have to cull the cars and my other half desperately would like to get a new one (well second hand new one!) He has worked hard and we have found what we would like to get and have the money put away however we have to now fix up and sell 2 cars to buy this one. This would leave us with 2 cars after that. One that I can drive with the kiddies and one for him. At the moment we have his car, that sits out the front and does nothing much. A toyota hilux that NEEDS to be sold, the work car that was my dads and he left to us that he drives on a daily basis, that also needs to be sold and my car that is used on a daily basis as well. He would like to get a mini, we have had all sorts of comments including "are you gay?" to the kiddies pointing out every single mini that they see and trying to decide on the right colour which involves not on the body of the car but the roof as well. For now it is just a matter of cleaning up, doing minor fixes, getting a road worthy or 2 and selling. Recently I had a little birthday, the birthday boy was turning 2. SO LOVELY. I wasn't able to visit my friend and her boy however I decided to send things and I am trying desperately to have presents that are made or local or something. The kiddies decided to help me and Red Headed Hurricane thought that a little boy needed a "grill'd" box to put the things in, like he does for his thomas trains and cars so that was the first thing. We went to our favourite burger place and when getting the burgers got an extra tin. So then we needed to include Easter as well, so Thomas was also chosen and I was thinking this was exactly what I was wanting to do however well the next idea, was my Petal to include a little present for his Mummy of an apron that was made so this was good. Then we found some little pencils as well so that was agreed on as well. the last item we had to make, he loves "the Cars" movie and characters so it was agreed that Lightening McQueen would go on the front of the library bag that we were making for him. My dearest other half stepped up with his Engineering back ground and cut out the material, working out the dimensions and how it would go together. I then sewed on the embroidery (using the machine) with the character and then the name, was decided to be done in RED to match the character and contract on the lovely Slate grey colour of the bag itself. Lastly I sewed up the bag and threaded through the cord and it was done. We also included a Made in Australia and local top from Moppit. So all the things along with a card were popped in and sent to Daylesford. It was so much fun that the family has decided to do one for another little soul, a little girl this time. All we have to do is agree on the design.